The Best of Intentions…Spiritually Speaking
My Experience with Meditation for Self-Discovery:
For many years, I was happy to meditate the way I had been taught: deep breathing followed by fifteen minutes of letting my thoughts come and go, morning and evening. (Note: Sometimes I skipped because life happened and sometimes I skipped quite deliberately; just want to make sure you know I am human!) I became a calmer mom, wife and employee. I noticed more self-compassion. Those “annoying” people in my life seemed to improve their attitudes! I understood the joy of being content. However, after a while, I felt my satisfaction slipping away. Anxiety over “my purpose,” days of preferring to be a hermit followed by days of loneliness, inability to meditate consistently, feeling either uber-fidgety or low and depressed while hating myself for it….
What was wrong with me? I questioned spirituality itself. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this stuff? Maybe the mindfulness ride was over? Perhaps I was just destined to live out life with a slightly melancholy mindset. Blame it on my DNA and, you know, you can’t beat Mother Nature.
Then my guru told me about meditating with INTENTION. My internal cynic said, “Yeah, sure…. sounds like a gimmick to me.” Meditation with intention, meditation for self-discovery. He instructed me to do the usual deep breathing but, as I slipped into the minutes of meditation, I was to set a deliberate intention by asking a specific question that needed an answer. Eventually I landed on this: “What is getting in the way of my spirituality?” (“No expectation; let’s see what happens…”) So, as instructed, I meditated with intention…. once, twice…..and by the end of that second sitting I had three clear, real answers that had popped into my consciousness. I was simply astonished. In a short intentional space of time I discovered that my spirituality was compromised by (1) often worrying about results, (2) spending too much time on digital distractions (Facebook, news on the iPhone) and (3) lack of faith in the answers I have inside. Specific answers, to the point!
Learning about myself has been one of the greatest joys of my mindfulness journey. Having this simple tool of meditating with intention gives me yet another avenue for self-discovery. With awareness of what was getting in the way of my spirituality, I am finding even more contentment and gratitude in every day of my life. “Doing is believing!”
–Kathy B